so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
