somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
