Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize