who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
