I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mom said you looked used
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
