My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
