oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
