question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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