..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone threw a dead crab at me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
