My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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