I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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