Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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