I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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