Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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