the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
