If i come over, it means nothing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
