it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize