chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
