Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
