It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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