oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
