Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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