If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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