I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
