I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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