Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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