youre lurking in front of me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
