Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize