someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
