I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize