Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
