it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
