So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
