I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
