We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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