Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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