so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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