The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
