i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
