she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
