I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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