hell yes lets make some ravioli
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize