Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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