dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
