She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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