Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
