Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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