apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
