I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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