please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
