he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
