i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
