ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
