she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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