Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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