im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
