If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize