I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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