"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
