the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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