Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's great music for shaving your balls
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
