I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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