i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
