I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
