Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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