I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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