It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
