I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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