I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
