i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
