i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
