i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They took my balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
