Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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